Happy Valentine's Day
by Aphina
Summary: Speed POV: Set almost like journal entries. A certain event leads Speed to face the depth of his love for Calleigh as he decides to make the ultimate commitment, and try and plan a surprise wedding for Valentine's day. WIll he suceed and how will she reac


The Date: 1st February

I was at the beach alone when it happened. The sun was dipping below the sea line, casting a blend of red, orange and purple textures across the sky. I was sitting on the small red and white blanket me and Calleigh sometimes brought down here. I remember sitting up, with one leg stretched looking out distantly to the emerald ocean. I wasn't really seeing it. I was thinking about the last year and the recent case. The latest case had been a bad one. I'm not talking just normally bad, but this one horrific. I was analysing it, going over every inch of it in my head, trying to figure out what I could have done to change everything. Even in this state I knew there was nothing. The shortfall of it was, I nearly lost Calleigh that day. A convicted killer had held up a school full of children today. Young children, around the age of five. Calleigh had been there.

H was supposed to drop off Madison since Suzie had got herself a job which unfortunately started early in the morning. Stetler had called him in today to discuss his involvement in a shootout in a grocery store yesterday, he'd been shopping when he'd been witness to an armed man pulling out a weapon and shooting the cashier directly in the face. Sometimes I wonder what the world I coming to; we flitter by watching case by case close as we collect the evidence. The list of cases never seems to end, yet that's what made our motto "we never close."

I closed my eyes rubbing them with my hands. How often had I heard these words? How often had I lived by them, we all did. We pulled doubles, grabbed evidence, accepted the blows the public and our personal lives gave us. Time after time we got on with our lives. I let out a deep sigh, why was this so different?

"Calleigh…" I spoke her name out into the wind. It seemed different on my tongue. Everything seemed different now. Our relationship is secret it has been for over two years. I mean people suspect, yet there is no surety in their suspicions. A deep ache in my chest brings me back to my thoughts before that. Today she was shot at. Today she narrowly survived. It's strange to think my strong beautiful goddess almost died today. In my head I want to blame her, I want to tell her she was reckless, that she shouldn't have put her life on the line, but I can't bring myself to say or barely think the words. In her position I would have done the same. In the back of my mind I'm mad at her for nearly leaving me in this word all alone, if she died, a large part of me would too. I couldn't handle it.

Everything is different now. I used to look after myself and only myself. That was all I had to worry about. I mean Delko could keep his own and I knew Cal, and H could too. I mean we all get into undesirable situations and we all try to help each other out, but when I saw them carry that body out I heard myself scream. I didn't realize until I yanked down that zipper on the black bag, that it wasn't Calleigh. It didn't even look like Calleigh. I felt myself sickened at the relief that ran thorough me. It was someone else's lover. Someone's grief.

I looked up towards the sun feeling myself shake. Everything that's happened lately has put into perspective what I've been thinking about.

I was walking through the main shopping district in town casually glancing in thin glass windows when I realized I was staring at engagement rings. Not just one but thousands of them, all lined up, row after row. Panic erupted briefly in my chest as I jerked away from one with a particularly huge price tag. What had I been thinking? I asked myself.

It was then I finally became aware of how serious I was about Calleigh, and how much I'd been wondering about how great it would feel to wake up next to her every morning. She practically lived at mine anyway after she'd helped me find another apartment due to the fact Hagen had been killed in mine.

I saw a perfect thin set, silver emerald encrusted ring, the other day. I could imagine now what it would look like on her finger. I almost bought it.

Now I'm hitting myself in the head for not doing it. I almost lost her today. The thought keeps jumping eagerly through my mind, taunting me. I can't stand to live with out her. I know recently I haven't really showed it either. I've been cold and distant. It's all because I can't get this stupid marriage idea out of my head. I keep seeing it playing over, the fear I felt today ha just made the fire in me burn higher. Normally I back away from commitment like this, it scares me, it means I have to care about something else; I've giving part of me and my life away. The truth is I already gave Calleigh my heart and soul along time ago.

I stand up packing away the blanket slowly while I think. With one last look at the darkening sky, I know I've already made up my mind. I know I'm going to marry Calleigh. The date I've set… Valentine's Day.


End file.
